Scrub Oak

Wet Mountain Snow

2012-01-08T16:56:00.001-07:00

Oh, what a difference some snow makes to the heart. The Wet Mountains have had over six feet of snow this fall! Really fantastic.

I've got this new blogging app that I' m trying to figure out so I'm loading some photos and just having a hell of a time with how they're moving all over the page. Great fun.

Made some scones today and am totally dismayed about the amount of butter the recipe called for. Found ann

sourceother recipe in Cooking Light cookbook that made so much more sense, heartwise. Dried Pear and Cardamon Scones using lowfat buttermilk instead of butter. I'm going to try them. Just tap that "source" button and see if it takes you to the page. If I could only get it to move to the right spot on this page......an why does it say "source"? Hmmmmm.

This is the time of year to be thinking about spring time gardens and the seed catalogues are very enticing. I just love these.

Hay Prices, Rain, and Purpose

2011-09-06T18:25:00.004-06:00

Rain on the Ridge

It's raining. And since this part of Colorado is in a "severe drought" category, that news just tickles the hell out of me. I think I've mentioned how I have cultivated the habit of looking just for green things this summer which has been some peace in the midst of worry. Hay for the critters is topping out at $8 a bale - due to the drought most folks only got one cutting this year.

But, it's raining now, the kind that soothes the soul. I've been thinking some about how weather connects us all to our One Purpose which really is to just live. That's all. Glorious.

Summer Rains and Drop Noodles

2011-07-06T18:48:00.004-06:00

It rained at home while I was at work! I saw the clouds and the darkness covering the Wet Mountains and was so excited all afternoon. Drove home - lickety split - and delighted in the few light showers on the windshield that splattered all through Coal Creek and lands south. Tried to prepare myself for the likelihood that there was nothing more than wetting sprinkles. I even ditched yoga class. It's cooler here - about 70 degrees and it looks like there was SOME moisture. Not the deluge I had been imagining - but some rain. That is more than we've had for two months. The air is humid now and there is that smell in the air that is promising. How does that smell so fine? That mixture of dampness, sheep manure, grass, and buffalo grass. I inhale it, I gulp it.

I made harvest stew tonight to celebrate early summer and the rains. New potatoes, new carrots, new peas, some scallions, chicken and broth. The drop noodles are scrumptious and are made simply with 3/4 cup of flour, 1/2 teaspoon salt, some pepper, 1 egg, and a little milk. Drop them into the finished stew by scant teaspoonfuls and cook for 7 minutes or so. I always make a double recipe because everyone loves the drop noodles so.

Drought, Pestilence, and Dreaming of Yurts

2011-07-04T11:29:00.006-06:00

So we had another wildfire close to our place yesterday. I was quite dismayed and even more so to hear that it was caused by a small plane crash carrying our neighbor, Doc Hamilton, and the pilot. The pilot died on impact but somehow the doctor bailed out and is the hospital with undisclosed injuries. So sad for their families. The wildfire crew was here is less than 2 hours with slurry planes, "smoke jumpers", and ground folks. All day yesterday helicopters and planes flew over our house, rattling the windows and ruffling the chickens. My daughters and I climbed the hill that is front of our place to get a better view. (I've still got my apron on - so handy to pack refreshments.)

The reverse 911 call came at about 6 pm to "prepare for evacuation". Rats! I'm really getting tired of this routine. If we were nomads we would simply pack up the yurt and move to a place where it friggin' rains once in a while. It's hot today and very dry but the winds are down. Another positive is that this fire is very close to the wildfire in 2005 that burned 14,000 acres so a lot of the underbrush and "old growth" is already cleared.

And the very, very Good News is that some monsoonal moisture is making it's way up from Old Mexico! You can see the white vapor coming up in a clockwise motion (it's circling a high pressure area right over Colorado). In the next few days we are promised our summer rains which will hopefully end our extreme drought conditions. If the rains don't come, I'm seriously considering the yurt idea.

As an aside I think you need to know that the natural ant remedy that I made a week ago did have a little effect on the ant population in the garden. 6 tablespoons of sugar, 1/3 cup of molasses, and 6 tablespoons of dry yeast. It was an incredible bait - thousands joined the feast - but we noticed them eating around the yeast for the most part. Still, many, many ants met their demise. And many more were still chomping my vegetables (which has to have something to do with this drought). In desperation I used some pyrethrum and neem oil to spray on the vegetables to protect them from the ants. Pyrethrum is made from chrysanthemums and is supposed to be the least toxic pesticide if one must be used. It was such a relief to go out to the garden this morning and see healthy ant-free plants.

2011-06-30T10:11:00.006-06:00

Haven't had rain for weeks and we're parched in this part of Colorado. We keep hoping for the monsoonal weather patterns to kick up and I check National Weather Service every day to see if it's going to happen this year. It always does but can it possibly get rid of this scorched desert land that we have become? On my way to work every morning instead of noticing the brown - ness I have cultivated the trick of searching for green. It helps. We're putting water on the garden a lot and are keeping things alive out there. Nothing beats a nice summer afternoon cloudburst, though.

I have thousands of sugar type ants eating anything green -that is, they are eating my garden. Googled for some natural ant remedies and found a recipe for "bait". Molasses, sugar, and powdered yeast. I mixed some of this goo up this morning and laid it about. The ants love it -they're swarming all over it - but I don't see that they are decreasing in number at all. At the very least it provides some distraction from my poor vegetable plants.

It's still beautiful around here in a sort of dry way. I'm working on my knitting and finished some awesome curtains for our 1978 wilderness camp trailer. They totally fit in with the plaid and paneling. Jerry and I have gone for a couple of trips in this little vintage wonder. I love it. Especially when we go someplace that is still green.

Soil Testing and Cousins

2011-05-30T17:21:00.008-06:00

It has been nasty windy for the last two days. Too windy to plant anything, really. The garden is ready and waiting, but we've had a cold Spring so far. The peas are up finally and they love cold weather so you can guess how cold the soil has been. Barring planting I decided to do a soil test using the "Mosser Lee Master Soil Testing Kit" that I purchased last year and never got around to using. I felt like I needed a lab coat - it was very cool. It seems that our soil is pretty nice provided that these home test kits are at all close to accuracy. I always fret about soil amendment and whether we've done enough - and Jerry always tells me that we have. "That garden soil is PERfect, Suzan!" I need proof.

Memorial weekend has been oh so fine because all our lovely daughters came to visit. I made gathering bags for the grandkids the week before. I can't say they were an extreme hit but there was some gathering going on.

There was some wagon play, too. Those cousins went down the hill a thousand times. Fell out, too. They're still in their pajamas. They got up at the crack of dawn and dashed outside while the adults were still drinking first cups of coffee.

So Much More

2011-05-17T18:50:00.004-06:00

Well, I haven't been able to post for awhile but just changed Blogger back to the old editor. What d'ye know? It worked. Let me review the month or so that I've been idle on line.

Each item below would have made a delightful post.

We had a wildfire just to the west of us and were evacuated. Crazy weird. House and land okay. Lewis Creek Trail burned. Smells like a wet ashtray around here.

Baby chicks are now in the big girl coop.

I made goal weight of 132 pounds using Weightwatchers. I can have six points more every day. Whoot whoot!

Peas are coming up. At last.

Lots of lettuce, radishes, and spinach in the cold frame.

It's finally started to rain a bit but we're still in severe and persistent drought. Grass is green.

The scrub oak is leafing out.

I adore the lone barn kitten. I'm wooing her (because she is very skittish).

Lambs are playing together. Sylvia, one of the ewe mothers, made a miraculous recovery from pneumonia.

Jerry and I are going to "camp" in Estes Park in June. We are proud owners of a 1978 fifteen foot Wilderness camp trailer. Plaid and paneling galore.

There was so much more - fantastic dinners, trout fishing, wonderful and beautiful adult daughter report. And what about the Ready Ice truck that flipped over just at the Hwy 67 and Hwy 96 intersection? So much more!

A Bit of Rain on a Tuesday

2011-04-19T06:37:00.000-06:00

Egads! I think it actually rained some last night! I see little puddles of water on the porch. This is special, for sure, because it is so dry here. Humidity is less than 5% most of this spring. The little grasses that did come up were withering away and our volunteer fire department has asked residents to attend their wildfire preparedness training on a weekly basis. And - it rained some last night! Old Virgil's mother (a pioneer in this area) used to say, "Well, it'll rain someday...." There is hope, but it's rather sad to miss the spring wildflowers.

We've kept the sheep, donkey and horse in the corrals to save what little pasture there is. Had to move Angel, the donkey, out of the sheep pens when she started to drag the sheep around on the ground out of sheer boredom.

I need to get ready for work. Egads! Just found myself sitting and thinking.

Red Flag Warnings and Love

2011-04-09T20:59:00.000-06:00

Pike's Peak seen through the scrub oak

I woke early this morning to the wind howling yet another day. The humidity is low, too, which means another "red flag warning" day. There is a bit of green here in the Wets but on the plains it's looking brown and dry. I got up at just before 6 am - because there are few things I like better than to make coffee at the break of dawn and NOT go to work. The habit is to pour a cup and then wander from window to window to savor the four directions.

My youngest daughter, Madeline, has returned home for awhile. She has brought Rooster, the blue heeler, back with her and her huge yellow cat, Moses. Last night my middle duaghter, Emily, came home for the weekend and she brought her dog, Bear, with her. We now have four dogs and two cats who are used to being allowed in the house. My first task this morning was to feed them all (the animals, not the daughters) and send them outside to play. They've been in and out all day.

My daughters each are moving on their journeys through this time and I am honored that they allow me to be, in some small way, part of them still. They are truly my pride and joy. My daughters, not the animals.

So, I'm wrapping the day up now and stopping to reflect again. Despite the wind which has only just now calmed it was a lovely day. The daughters have gone together to a girlfriend's 30th birthday party and Jerry is downstairs making some music. He's wooing me, I think........

Spring Fever and Farm Update

2011-04-06T17:51:00.004-06:00

Ohhhh, it was a long day today. The afternoon stretched on and on. And when I looked at the clock it wasn't cooperating at all. Others at work seemed tired and worn a bit at the edges. It's gotta be Spring. Farm update - I planted my pea patch this weekend. It snowed the next day so that was perfect for snow peas, wasn't it? I've put lettuces and radish and spinach in the cold frame (although I could have done that even earlier - we'll see if it helps at all - still a month of freeze possible). We woke Saturday morning to find a surprize lamb! A little April Fool. Our ewes are real young and we didn't think we'd have lambs this year. He's adorable. People ask what we do with our lambs and of course we eat them at some point. A good friend's mother once said that she would prefer to know and name the meat she eats - and I agree with her. Good karma. New chicks are due to arrive next week. We're all set up for them. So are the coyotes, I'm sure. Damn coyotes. Eat the rabbits! Eat the rabbits!

Oven Cleaning the Green Way

2011-03-27T08:27:00.003-06:00

I cleaned my oven yesterday. It is a totally Big Deal as it is not a "self cleaning" oven. Oh, if it only were! This is the same stove that was in the double wide trailer house that we lived in on our property while we built our current home. It's an old LP propane Kenmore that works just fine - but, you have to clean the oven the old fashioned way. It hasn't been really cleaned for 11 years. Now before you go all weird on me and accuse me of being a slob I have to tell you the the damn oven sort of self cleans itself whenever you bake in it. You know, stuff turns to ashes so it's really not seething with maggots or anything like that. Yesterday I cleaned it with some sort of spray that is pure lye based. It's nasty stuff. I tried using the vinegar in a boiling pan of water left in the oven overnight "green clean" idea but 11 years of gunk does not render itself to "green clean". It's spanking new looking now. But, I'll bet you anything I won't clean it again for another 11 years.

Modern Medicine

2011-03-04T06:13:00.003-07:00

It snowed a little last night. A surprise in the night kind of snow. There is that comforted feeling that comes about from the realization of how buffeted from the elements one can be, all snuggled in a warm bed. Entwined with that one person who is as familiar with your life as you are.

There hasn't been a lot of that entwining business going on here for the last week until last night because of the Illness. I thought I'd go to work yesterday because I was feeling like the Illness might be leaving me. I was wrong. Started the "Zpack" antibiotic and some kick ass steroids yesterday and I just about feel human again. Does anyone else ever think about how many times they might died in their lifetimes without the miracle of modern medicine?

It looks like it will stay cloudy today. I will hang out some sheets later if it doesn't snow/rain and knit on my sweater and be grateful for kick ass modern medicine.

Scrub Oaks and Restoration

2011-03-02T16:59:00.004-07:00

Sick. I've been sick since Sunday with a cold. Bleh. Cough, cough, cough. Makes me regret the day I threw away that old bottle of codeine cough syrup that had been hiding out in the back of the medicine chest. I think it would have helped even as old as it was. I've tried to knit a couple of times but just don't have the concentration for it and ended up unraveling as much as I knitted.

This morning instead of futile knitting the dogs and I took a little early March hike about. The bare scrub oaks are kind of lacey against the blue sky.

I'll go to work tomorrow. And feel restored. How fortunate I am!

Saturdays and Possibilities

2011-02-26T07:45:00.003-07:00

It's so sweet to wake up on a Saturday morning after a week of workdays. Saturday just bursts with possibilities, don't you think? Even washing the bed sheets and hanging them out has promise. There are always those sewing projects, the garden, ideas for dinner, throwing a little hike in somewhere - these are stuff of Saturdays.

This morning the clouds are roiling about and it is windy and cold. My brother Tom and his new bride are coming tonight and will stay until Sunday. Tom - at 51 - was a total bachelor until he married Deborah last Fall. I am very happy for them - they just seem so right for each other. Tom has always been kind of a loner. He loves his family but really never went out of his way to visit us for heaven's sake. What would be the point? So, here comes Deborah who hales from a huge Hispanic family and is related to everyone in Pueblo. Family is important and she is quite responsible for orchestrating several family gatherings in the six months she and Tom have been married. She is exuberant - and I just get a kick out of her for that.

Have a wonderful full of possibilities weekend, all.

Long Weekends, Hiking, and Knitting

2011-02-21T17:54:00.003-07:00

Sweet weekend all in all. Jessica and the grandkids came to visit Saturday and left Sunday. We had fun looking for elf doors in the "woods". At four, almost five, Evan really didn't think there was anything unusual about finding elf houses sprinkled around Grandma's farm. The matter of fact reaction surprised me a bit!

And, what a treat it is to have President's Day holiday. All day I've been grateful. A few times I caught myself thinking about work tomorrow - and promptly reminded myself to focus on the moment. We got up early and went into Canon City to do errands, came home and raked up the yard a bit, planned a few garden-y type projects. After lunch we took a hike and because Jerry was there - we ended bushwacking up the back of the property on deer trails through the scrub oak. Jerry loves a good bushwack.

I've started another knit project - the February Lady's Sweater which is a "big ass version of the February Baby's Sweater" originally patterned by the queen of knitting, Elizabeth Zimmerman. And - hey! - it's February!

Tandoori and Weight Watchers

2011-02-14T18:08:00.003-07:00

So, I'm really into food this month. Cooking it and then tracking how many points in Weight Watchers lingo I've consumed. WW's point system is becoming a byword in my family. Even my 4 year old grandson, Evan, makes guesses about a food's point value. " Ah, yeah.. that's six points probbly. " It's actually been quite fun to try new recipes. I was in such a rut with my meals.

If you want to know the truth of it? I was very impressed with the Julie/Julia Project and started to cook with an adventurous attitude about a year or so ago. People who know me well know that I cook basics competently. You know, a mean leg of lamb. I have never been one to go to specialty grocers for anything. Shit, I live 50 miles from the nearest specialty grocer and there is no way I will spend a precious day off going to shop for FOOD, for heaven's sake. I still feel this way - but, it's fun to replenish the old spice jars with fresh content - and I can do that in Cañon City - and look at different ways to combine these with food.

I'm making some tandoori chicken thighs tonight. Page 184 Weight Watcher's New Cookbook. 8 points. Roasted green beans 0 points. Whole Wheat noodles 3 points. I haven't lost one single pound this week but haven't gained any, either.

Lasagna rolls and Rob Roy

2011-02-09T20:33:00.004-07:00

I made a scrumptious new recipe tonight from Cooking Light - lasagna rolls with spinach, mushrooms and roasted red pepper sauce. Very nice. Actually I have been cooking a lot lately. I joined on line Weight Watchers and am enjoying making a shopping list and cooking food using some different ideas. Jerry has been liking the focus on venison - which we have quite a lot of in the freezer- it is very lean meat and flavorful. I don't really want to lose any weight but it would be nice if I could stop gaining weight, for Pete's sake.

And I drank red wine and watched Rob Roy for the umpteenth time. I love that movie, truly do. When Liam says in his gruff Scottish brogue, "Do ye know how fine ye are to me, Mary McGregor?" - well, I just melt. Who doesn't? I want to get to the loom and weave plaid, drink Scotch and have babies. Or rather, do the things that cause babies....

We are getting through the dark winter days. February is always wonderful as the sky is still rather light when I leave work, not dark like it is in November. It almost makes one think that after work walks with the doggies are just a minute or so away. Usually by the time I actually get in the door though, it IS dark. But the thought is there and very possible - and that is so uplifting to my heart.

Hoping you all are loving the dregs of winter. (BTW -were you aware that snowshoeing for a mere thirty minutes earns 5 activity points?? - that's practically a whole bar of chocolate!)

Nursery Print Nostalgia

2011-01-18T18:12:00.004-07:00

I had a nice long weekend which seemed to revive any spirits I might have lost. Some friends came from Michigan and we cruised the antique shops in Florence for a good part of one day. I found this lovely little nursery print of which the photo above is only a detail. Have tried to find the artist and cannot. I thought it was maybe Dutch as there are some windmills on the horizon and came across Henrietta Willebeek Le Mair whose work looks familiar but is not my illustrator. This has got to be 1940s or '50, don't you think? The little girl is waving her handkerchief at a woman down the shoreline a bit, there are many ducks and some water lilies. Maybe it is from some story of which I am ignorant. Help me out if you can, please!!!

The very cool part of this print was the internet journey I took in trying to discover my artist. There are whole sites devoted to nursery illustrators! Here is my favorite from yesterday.

Elf Doors and Snowstorms

2011-01-08T14:46:00.003-07:00

Jerry presented me with several little elf doors, windows, and even a wee lantern for my Christmas gift. My daughter, Emily, came down to visit us over the holidays and she and I looked around for suitable tree homes. It was fun, I mean really fun! When we got back to the house we searched the internet for more of this type of thing. I think it's a cult. Could definitely use more of these whimsies in my life, who couldn't?

We are expecting a fabulous snow storm tomorrow into Monday! So very hopeful on several levels. First, southern Colorado is in severe drought. It's not extremely dangerous in terms of wild fires this time of year, but come spring and summer? The prospect is terrifying for me. Second, I love the snow and want to snowshoe - jeezo peezo - sometime this winter without having to travel to do so. Third, I want a snow day on Monday. And who wouldn't???

The Peaceful Time of Year

2010-12-28T20:22:00.003-07:00

Aaaaahhhhh. Christmas is over. Ours was quite nice and every year I seem to have more gratitude for my family and friends - and my life. We were kind of easy going about Christmas this year. Got a permit for a tree and found one in the National Forest up Beulah way. It was a beautiful day in a way that only Colorado can be.

Got that puppy home, put lights on her....and only hung about ten ornaments (my favorites, of course). I just ran out of enthusiasm - and the tree was rather pretty without the decorations anyway. I didn't send cards - although Jerry sent some to his side of the family. He picked them out and they were kind of extreme Western. A bit too extreme for a Detroit girl. Cowboys decorating tumbleweeds and that sort of thing.

I did make some torrone and it was delicious this year. I ate a lot of it. Didn't finish the gifts I had chosen to make, either. That was okay, too. When I think of all the things I didn't do this year, it's quite incredible to say that this Christmas seemed so very right.

Have a wonderful New Year! Love to you.

DNA and Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T19:42:00.007-07:00

For my birthday Jerry got me a DNA test kit (Bio Pet)to determine Felicia's canine heritage. The results came back yesterday. I can't remember if I've posted a photo of our new pound puppy so here's one to ponder. I'm sorry, but this whole thing is probably more fascinating to me than anyone else. Anyway, here she is -

Now....what would you guess makes up this mutt? We were sure that it would be some type of hound - beagle or harrier - and not sure what else. She's slender and fast and it's true that she could care less about picking up a scent like a hound would.

As it turns out she is part Bernese Mountain Dog, part Weimaraner, and part poodle. So here's the Bernese Mountain Dog -

The coloring is there for sure. The slenderness and her insistence about chasing the cat is most likely the Weimaraner, right? I gotta add that the test also identified a large amount of chihuahua which seems ridiculous unless you know that our other dog is a chihuahua, otherwise known as BoBo. Their DNA got mixed up in the water bowl I suppose. How fun is that??

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day, all you Americanos.

The Shine of the Moon and Sewing for Grandchildren

2010-11-17T20:07:00.005-07:00

On my lunch hour today I went into Cañon and shopped for fabric at the little quilt store on Main Street. I intend to make my granddaughter, Delilah, one of these little animal homes.

I actually had this in mind for another granddaughter a couple of years ago but didn't get around to it - and now she's probably too old. And, truth be told, I actually bought the pattern in the early 80's to make for Delilah's mother. I think she's definitely outgrown it by now. The pattern makes me happy whether I ever finish it for anyone. I know - that's kinda weird.

Jerry's away to northeastern Colorado minding the private prison mental health system. So every couple of weeks I get the house to myself for a night or two, can make bruschetta yet again with no flack, and feed the sheep a little extra grain just to be a kind shepherdess. They do love me for it and when Jerry returns to the chores I'll bet he wonders why they follow him so eagerly. The moon was wonderfully bright tonight out in the corrals and it was calm. I had to take a few minutes just looking at the stars while everyone munched their grain and hay. Life is good.

Short Days of Winter

2010-11-14T10:10:00.005-07:00

I'm a bit sad that the long days are gone for the year. Everything is dark when I leave work for the day. The cold is fine - it's just the short days that are difficult. I am looking forward to doing more sewing, however. There are all these dreams of being productive and making things again. Just as long as I stay away from my after work wine libation. What a lush I can be....jeesch.

Well, anyway. Ater several years of looking around I found my dream sewing machine and bought it for my birthday. She's about 40 years old already and as sleek as an Italian sports car. The Necchi Silvia Maximatic. Whooo-whee!

She's beautiful, right? Her straight stitch sister, the Mirella, is the only sewing machine that has a place in the Museum of Modern Art in NYC. Last night I tried her out for the first time. The tension was off and the mechination is just that much different from my other machines that it took some time to adjust. But now the stitches are beautiful and she hums in a very well made manner.

I'm going to finish this wall hanging with my new Necchi. Tilly from England gifted me with these charm squares of Arcadia by Moda last year. I started a wall hanging and, of course, didn't complete it. Now that the days are short I just might get it done.

Pinecone Wonders

2010-11-07T18:20:00.006-07:00

This morning on a little hike, I discovered hundreds of pine cones on the trail. It is the time of year for them to fall I suppose (you know, the Fall?) but, believe it or not, I hadn't given them enough consideration over the years. I was struck by how beautiful a pine cone is - they are just perfect pieces of nature - and wanted so much to bring some home with me. The thought of making firestarters came to mind - and, in fact, I was rather obsessed with the usefulness of the idea. We have quite a few of the ponderosa pines on our place - up on the ridges and down in the arroyos - and when I got home I picked up some gathering bags and spent an hour or so collecting them. It was a lovely time - such purpose and beauty all around me.

The scrub oak has lost its leaves and they join the long pine needles on the floor of the forests. The sun was shining, the sky was blue - and I had two bags of great looking pine cones. I tried to teach Felicia to fetch them, too, but she only brought them back if I threw them first. Back at the house I found an old candle making kit that one of the girls didn't take with them when they moved out. It contained several pounds of paraffin beads and a couple of yards of woven wick. I melted the wax in a double boiler, tied a 4 inch piece of wick around each cone, and dipped the whole cone into the wax. The wick didn't go as far as I had hoped (after all, I did gather over two hundred cones) but Jerry told me cloth strips would work well, too. And so they did. I had to try them out after I'd made several firestarter cones.

Those little buggers burned for about 7 minutes. Who would have thought? I am making some for all our friends who use woodburners.

Time

2010-11-04T21:15:00.004-06:00

Well, it's my birthday today and being 57 is really just fine. My coworkers and I have just about completed "intensive" dialectical behavior training and will be able to go home tomorrow. It's been a fantastic training experience, we've put a lot into this in the last six months, and are ready to move forward with our program when we get back into action.

Went Cajun for the birthday feast and am sitting here absolutely grinning with delight. Just right. Have you ever just walked into a book store without an outward inkling of what you might need to read -- and leave with the perfect tome of wisdom in your hands? Last night it happened to me again and I wonder if it isn't just divine power that makes it so. You know, being almost 60 is very weird in a sense. It's not like we go around our little lives planning on Time to catch up with us. So when I picked up Sue Monk Kidd's "Traveling with Pomegranates" it was intially with some curiousity and admiration for some earlier stuff by her (particularly, "The Dance of the Dissident Daughter"). I bought it, read a few chapters last night and, by golly, it spoke to me. Growing older, my daughters taking the place where I used to reign, finding another place, looking inward at the older, wiser woman I have become. "Old Woman I meet you deep inside myself. There in the rootbed of fertility. World without end, as the legend tells it. Under the words you are my silence." May Sarton as quoted by Sue Monk Kidd.

2010-11-02T19:40:00.002-06:00

Still in Denver. Our team finished one presentation today and have the next tomorrow. It is going well. We're expecting Mandy to give birth at any moment but she is here and so is Avery whose flight was delayed by Hurricane Tomas. Whoo-whee. My performance anxiety is subsiding.

I went for a walk outside the hotel this morning through a small neighborhood of apartment buildings. It was better than walking on the treadmill in the exercise room. There are so many lights and cars - one forgets that a city is a mass of humanity and technology. We went to the "Super Target" to see if someone in the pharmacy could get Mandy's blood pressure (she's having some problems with hypertension in this last week of pregnancy) and when it was found to be acceptable we wandered around gaga-eyed about the sheer magnitude of merchandise to be purchased. When you live rural this is a treat, let me tell you.

I'm going to take a bath and read Eudora Welty short stories which I am very much enjoying.

Enough

2010-11-01T06:32:00.002-06:00

Here I am in Denver for one entire week of training. Woke up this morning at 5:13 to a terrific ping ping pinging on the one outside wall. It's raining and sleeting. I had been dreaming that I was in Southeast Asia - well, somewhere East at any rate - and that I was looking down - from a bridge, perhaps - into a blue, green shallow pool. Three or four happy fish were splashing about and I wondered if they were edible. The dream came with a sense of peace and calm which is fantastic because I have been worrying quite a bit about whether I and my small team of coworkers can pull off this presentation with dignity. There are a number of reasons for my anxiety which are unnecessary to go into here and suffice it to say that if I bit my nails they'd be bitten to the quick. Last night I finally came to an agreement with myself - once again - that what I bring to a moment is sufficient.

So I got up and went down to the exercise room. And walked at an incline of 7% for a half hour. I have no idea what that means but it had the same intensity as my morning walk up the road does except there was nothing to look at. Just walking in a room. I am sufficient to the moment. My mantra.

Rebuilding the Flock

2010-10-31T11:39:00.003-06:00

Jerry and I drove the pick up and stock trailer out east to Manzanola early this morning and picked out new three ewe lambs. When we had decided to sell out that included our little sheep flock. And now that we're staying, well.....we need our sheep. These girls are Warhills (Rambouillet, Columbia, Targhee lineage) out of a Wyoming flock. We've always liked the herding qualities of Rambouillet. There's just something about having sheep around a place. In my mind anyway. The burro is Angel - and she is their guardian angel, literally. We've not had trouble with dogs or coyotes getting into the sheep with Angel watching over them.

It's - dare I say it? - unseasonably mild here on the Front Range this year. La Niña weather pattern, I'm told. Gorgeous but always with a touch of anxiety. What if we don't get our moisture? What if, what if.....who can say?

I'm all packed up and ready to travel north to Denver for a training all next week. My coworkers and I have busted our butts getting ready for the second half of this project that began 6 months ago. One of us is expecting a baby next week and another one is caught in Hurricane Tomas. We've got a huge presentation to give and half of us may be somewhere else....well, just pray for us, okay?

End of the Week Delight

2010-10-22T19:27:00.002-06:00

Oh my gosh, it's Friday. How wonderful is that? My man is hunting the bull elk and will be gone for..... well, I don't really know how long he'll be gone. Until he gets tired of his buddy, David, I guess. I used to get jealous of hunting season (he spends more time hunting then we've ever had on a vacation) but now I enjoy having the house to myself. I cook something with lots of vegetables (he is not a fan of "green food"), take a bath, talk on the phone to girlfriends. It's fun until I start to miss him.

The good news is that our new pound puppy, Felicia, is settling in well. She chewed up the wicker loveseat that is on the back deck (the next stage after chewing up the cushions) but is trying real hard to relate to Miss May, our cat (who has returned, yay!). Felicia also took all our mudboots out through the doggie door and I had to spend some time finding them all in the yard when I did chores tonight.

I'm going out east to Lamar tomorrow to visit my baby daughter, Madeline. She's working at a feedlot and the long hours are making an impression on her. There's a great little antique store in town that is fun. I found a small Descoware dutch oven there last visit which I use with delight when mixing up cooked vanilla pudding. It will not stick to the bottom of that pan.

Felicia

2010-10-20T19:18:00.006-06:00

I adopted a dog from the pound last week. She was very sweet, responsive, and quiet when I visited her there and seemed like the kind of animal who would fit in anywhere. They called her "Felicia" and we've kept that name because she looks like a Felicia might look. She was abandoned in an alley behind a business in Cañon City, tied to her doghouse. The photo above is Felicia on the first night in her new home. She was tired.

She's still very sweet and responsive. But.....she is always in motion. Always. Miss May, the cat, has been treed a couple of times and now I can't find her. And Felicia ripped up the porch cushions today - totally ripped them up, there is foam stuffing everywhere. She won't let the chihuahua be the Boss and he so loves to be that. He's been pouting. A lot. She took her blanket out through the pet door again, it's lying out in the yard somewhere. And she sleeps on any bed in any room with an open door. We've been used to older dogs who have better manners. Felicia is only seven months old and I guess we'll just have to get used to her energy.

I'm enjoying our walks - me, the chihuahua, and the Felicia. She doesn't tug on the leash and seems so happy to be out and about. She hasn't chased the chickens yet which is very mannerly of her. That probably comes later........

Small and Simple

2010-10-16T15:02:00.005-06:00

I am back. That last post of mine was rather bleak, do you agree? I was standing back and judging my little life - and not all that favorably, either. Looking at another way of living and knowing that "This is it, Suzan. It's pretty nice all in all - if you don't let a judgmental attitude trivialize it". It has occurred to me that I like to blog about the smaller, pleasanter events of a life fully lived. It's healing for me.

I work at a mental health center - have for twenty plus years - and much of my work days involve other folks' sorrows. It's honoring work - I'm honored when people trust me with their suffering and allow me to teach them how to turn suffering into mere pain. When I come home I have to teach myself - over and over -how to let go of their pain and return to my own life. Some days I can do this easier than other days. I think maybe that last post was a day when I could just not shake off the day, week, month just past. On those days I wonder what it's all about, whether I'm any "good" at all. It's as if their suffering is somehow my fault - and, truly, I do know better. I know intellectually that I am not responsible - it's the emotional knowing that is more elusive.

It's a fine Fall day here in the southern Rocky Mountains. Worthy of my comment for sure.

The scrub oak are jewels of ruby, rust, and burnt orange. It's that very glorious time of year where the autumn mingles with the season just past. The air is clear and dry, the sky is that incredible blue, and the day is just cool enough to wear long sleeves. No freeze yet, but soon. The wood is stacked on the porch, pumpkins are waiting to turn ghoulish, and herbs in pots still soak up the now, decidely southern, sunshine. Cornstalks by the front door celebrate and boast of our bountiful year. Golden aspen leaves that turn in one short day and glow on the black soil when they fall.

Small, simple pleasures for sure. And today I treasure them.

Purpose

2010-10-05T20:32:00.002-06:00

I think a blog should have a point, don't you? The fact of the matter is that my blog seems to have no point. In other words, who really cares what I made for supper or what I saw on my walk? Or how 'bout what I've knitted? THAT should be interesting reading. Whoo whoo! And those things pretty much sum up my days. Wait.....how about what I'm gathering in my garden??? That's a real turn on, isn't it??? Ahhh, come on. Don't you want to know??

I gotta think about this. It seems important to me that I write a blog that has meaning, imparts knowledge and wisdom. If I can't think of anything to write in those veins, does it mean that my life....has.....no......point? No wisdom? Egads. Mustn't go in that direction. No sir. Stay away from that.

Chop wood, carry water. Life's purpose. I mean, those little things that we do - and that so many of us, me included, have blogged on and on about with photos - really are the events of a lifetime. Somehow, all those short days of doing what we must do make up our lives. And somehow along the way we become wise to this. It's always been good enough for me. I dig knitting and garden produce. I just don't want to blog about it anymore.

Well, I'll think of something to write. What do you think? What's your life's purpose?

Squash Soup and Bettas

2010-09-29T17:59:00.004-06:00

It's windier here today and I do hope that means some cooler, wetter, more Fall-ish weather. My garden is almost done and it's hard to keep enough water on it for the straggling zukes and carrots. There are three surprise cantaloupe growing, too. We have no idea how they got there because we've never grown cantaloupe in this high altitude garden. Gift cantaloupe. The seed must have come in with the butternut squash.

Jerry's bringing up some corn stalks and pumpkins this evening for porch decoration. Just to get into the autumnal spirit. And I've got butternut squash soup on the menu. It's a luscious, creamy concoction that is totally satisfying. I've thought of the creation of it from time to time today at work and it makes me happy. Kind of goofy, I know. But small delights make up a life, don't they? It's a fairly simple little recipe and adapts to however you like it. My daughter, Madeline, gets the credit for this version:

Squash Soup

2 cups of cooked squash

1 onion, chopped fine

3-4 cloves of garlic, minced

2 cups of vegetable or chicken broth

Marjoram, red pepper, nutmeg to taste

Salt and pepper, as you like

Saute the onion and garlic in a heavy pan. Add squash, broth, seasonings. Simmer gently for 15 or so minutes. Use food processor to puree'. Return to heavy pot and simmer for 10 more minutes. Add cream and more broth to get the consistency you prefer. Easy peasy! (It's especially good with cinnamon raisin toast on the side)

The little betta fish that I keep in my office is dying. It's his Time and now he is just languishing on the bottom of the tank. His brilliant blue body is faded to gray and he has been gasping a bit. Oh, the stories he has heard in his life here at the mental health clinic. My coworkers have been stopping in all day to pay their respects to Tick Tock. He has become a part of this passing harvest season, I think.

Full Sleeves for the Aged

2010-09-27T19:47:00.004-06:00

So lately I've been having trouble with my forearms. They bruise and tear with the slightest of stress on them. Fishing on Hardscrabble Creek this past summer with all the attending willow brush has just been really hard on them. I've been going to work with bandaids on the rips and people are always focusing on the rather large, bright purple bruises. I keep assuring them that I do not have a blood disorder. Doc told me that it's common among older folks and that it is the result of years of sun damage. Well, these poor old forearms have really been nice to me all these years - and have I thanked them at all? I have tried to keep them covered in sunscreen for my adult life - but when I was a kid it hadn't been invented yet. All those sunburns playing in Lake Huron. Tsk, tsk.

Last Sunday night I looked around the 'Net for a solution. I googled "arm protectors" and found that they are called "Geri-Sleeves" - you know, like for the "geriatric" crowd? I have to admit that I was quite stunned. It floored me, knocked me for a loop...whatever. That Monday at work I felt like I was running, running from something quite horrible until the thought of those Geri-Sleeves popped into my awareness. Now I realize that there are parts of me that at 56 don't work as well as they used to and I'm getting quite comfortable with losing my waistline, my hair color, my teeth (on occasion I have dreams that I've lost them all and the last time this occurred it was all right by golly). But.....good God! How much of this degradation can a person tolerate??? Somehow I think the forearm thing is just the beginning.

So....I checked out Etsy.com and found an artist who makes "arm warmers" . I ordered the "Namaste" pair and a turquoise pair. Very cool, not at all geriatric. I might even go for the full sleeve tattoo look. I'm not running, I'm adapting.

Hearts and No Babies

2010-08-18T19:30:00.002-06:00

I'm just back from 2 days in the hospital after we all thought I was having a heart attack. The truly crushing chest pain that radiated into my jaw was a bit terrifying to experience. Turns out my heart is really, really healthy - yay - but I tend toward some extreme reflux (? I'd guess you call it that). This was a really, really expensive case of heartburn. I don't even want to guess what my portion of the bill will be. But, get this - I got to see my actual heart beating on an ultrasound machine. It was very pretty - all four valve thingies just pumping away. It was my little miracle for the day.

It is good to be home - I guess I'll be sucking away on Prilosec for awhile. And I'm going back to work tomorrow. There is a part of me that feels rather embarassed and shamed. I think it's the part that dreads to admit to mortality. Jerry and I thought it was rather funny that I carried no "complimentary" baby as I was being wheeled out the door of the hospital this time around.

Home Again and Hay Bucking

2010-08-15T12:45:00.008-06:00

It's a real pleasure to be "back home". We've worked really hard to make this place reflect some life values and I now see that I was giving a lot of those up in my mind. We had planned to move to a much smaller place which seemed to make sense at the time - this place wants a lot of love and caring. But I was also giving up my garden and my root cellar dreams (here's a link to a post from Scrub Oak I with a picture of my "root cellar" http://happysheba.typepad.com/happy_sheba_pages/2008/09/jerry-and-i-had-a-bit-of-mix-up-this-weekend-wed-been-planning-tohave-our-daughter-tracys-children-come-for-a-visit-while.html. )I was giving up having enough room for the girls and the grandkids - and, let me tell you, I never realized how I treasure having a houseful of the people that make my life shine. It's strange now that we're staying here how I've stopped seeing the house's faults. They don't even exist anymore. Weird.

The morning promises more rain so I drove the truck for Jerry while he loaded some alfalfa hay. I think I love this time of year more than any other. Everything growing seems to be reveling in bounty. The farmer's markets have stands of colorful fruits and vegetables. The pasture grass is topped in golden grains. Our pumpkins and squashes in the garden intertwine around everything else growing there and escape the garden fence in their journey to produce, multiply, flourish. I don't buck hay - hell, I can hardly pick a bale up - but I do to love to watch the guys!

Dills and Comparisons

2010-08-14T17:43:00.005-06:00

The mornings here in Colorado have been beautiful. Rosy glows, soft breezes. I often wish I didn't have to go to work every friggin' work day but, then, I really do think of folks who need jobs or are underemployed. Comparison is a wonderful tool to get you through the day, isn't it?

Today, however, was a stay at home work day. I made dill and sweet pickles. One of my daughter's boyfriend loves those dills. I didn't make enough last year so since he's still around I've pickled his own private supply. He'd better get a job and pop that question soon because this is as far as it goes. (I'll give him a break - he was in Iraq last year.)

I having trouble with this new blog format - the photos that I upload just pop up at the beginning of the blog and I have to cut and paste. Blogger is free however and I just need to figure some things out with it. I know, I know - the banner is klutzy and the layout is not so artsy. But there are veggies and fruits to can and freeze, so when I have more time I'll do something about it.

Work Week

2010-08-09T20:40:00.002-06:00

Just back to work after a really nice vacation. You know you've had enough time off when you start to wonder about how your coworkers are doing. They all seemed fine and some of them actually missed me - strangely enough, those were the same folks I thought about during the last weekend at home. My little betta fish, Tic Toc, even seemed swimmingly thrilled. These are, of course, the small things that make up a Life - and these same small things also make going to work a satisfying and wholesome part of Life.

It's a suitable August evening on this first day back to work. For dinner I cooked up some chops, applesauce, and Olathe corn on the cob. The sprinkler is whoop whoop whooping in the soft twilight and there is one annoying cricket on the back porch. It's a very loud little guy and he better watch out because Miss May, the cat, is interested. We've got the whole week ahead of us. How will we spend it?

Scrub Oak Redux

2010-08-07T18:54:00.005-06:00

How fun to be back. I already lost my first new post. Hmmmm. I'll stay away from religion and social commentary - there are many more folks who can espouse on such in a much more articulate manner than I. Not that these topics aren't wonderful, intriguing, and important. But as the Middle Child inconsummate?... well, Issues just reek of conflict. I really like moving towards Tolerance and Balance in the wisdom of my rather considerable years. After all, that's where I started this journey.

I think we've just made up our minds to keep our place and not sell after all. It's not a great time to sell, for one thing. But that isn't the deciding factor. More importantly, every time someone wanted to look at my home I noticed that I really, really did not want them to come. It wasn't just a matter of cleaning the place up, although holy tamoly, that has been one wretched voice mail to come home to of an evening. "Suzan? This is Barbara, your realtor. Tomorrow morning we have someone coming over to view your home. Hope this isn't too late to call." Ehwewwww! Not at all Barbara, not at all. Just let me clean up that bird the cat vomited on the upstairs landing.

So, I'm back to calling my home, my home. It's important to me. I was feeling very unsettled all in all. Jerry and I have been looking at the finances when he retires and I think we are fine (as fine as any work a day working folk, at any rate - small pensions, a bit of savings, mortgage up the wazoo). You know what has worried me the most about this house selling thing? It has been a worry about whether anyone could possibly like - or rather - fall in love, with my home. Not like I love it. And there is so much wrong with it by today's standards. Clawfoot bath in the master bath - no marble shower at all. In fact, no marble in the entire house. Rickety old gas stove (which needs the oven cleaned quite badly). Smallish closets throughout. Landscaped with love, not money. "Really ugly chicken coop" (could read the realtor's description). And, it's mine.